i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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