I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
