How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
