I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
