mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can't motorboat a personality
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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