ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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