I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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