You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
