It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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