I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We just shotgunned beers for America
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
