yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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