You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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