I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
