I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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