well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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