I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
