Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
