party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
