Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
either way he was missing a nipple.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
