so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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