I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
