Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
