everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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