Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
