You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
