Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
