he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
