she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
