I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
