i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
