hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
