fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
