we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
