the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
