I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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