I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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