she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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