So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize