I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
