Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
