It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Couch. On fire.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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