I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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