saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
