i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize