"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
