You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
