I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.