My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
