I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
