i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
