She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
