it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize