porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
