I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive