Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
