Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.