Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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