wat bout pragnant strippers??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize