it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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