she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
