i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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