And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
