I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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