His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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