I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
