take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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