So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
