I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
