I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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