omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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