Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
