I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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