my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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