it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
